Stability: The First Step to Leadership Revival

Feeling safe is the key to learning, creativity, and teamwork. In leadership and coaching, a sense of safety – in body and mind – allows people to think broadly, innovate, and bounce back from challenges. When leaders and teams feel threatened or on edge, the mind narrows to survival mode and creativity stalls (practicalengineering.management, frontiersin.org). By contrast, when we create a neuroception of safety (Porges’ term for our nervous system’s “safety radar” (practicalengineering.management)), hearts slow and thinking opens. People feel grounded, curious, and connected. As one expert puts it, “safety is the foundation of adaptive human capacity and the basis of engaged human activity” (practicalengineering.management). In practical terms, that means leaders and coaches should first help people regulate their stress responses, then relate and problem-solve (often phrased: “regulate, then relate” (practicalengineering.management)).

Building safety is also crucial for tackling burnout. Research finds that stronger resilience at work — developed through supportive coaching and safe environments — reduces burnout and anxiety and boosts well-being and confidence (frontiersin.org). In other words, helping people feel safe inside leads to healthier, more engaged teams. The good news is that this safety can be co-created: our bodies are wired for co-regulation, meaning one calm, supportive person can help another relax and vice versa (practicalengineering.management, practicalengineering.management). In a safe coaching relationship, a leader’s steady tone, attentive eye contact, and patient listening become real signals of safety that help people settle and open up (practicalengineering.management, practicalengineering.management). In the sections below, we explain these ideas in practical terms — rooted in Polyvagal Theory and narrative methods — and show how to apply them in coaching for burnout recovery, resilience, and creative re-engagement.

How the Nervous System Tracks Safety

Our body’s built-in safety system works through the autonomic nervous system (ANS), which has three main states:

• Ventral Vagal (Safe-and-Social). When we feel safe, the ventral vagal branch is active. Our breathing is steady, heart rate is regulated, voice and facial muscles are soft, and we feel curious and ready to connect. In this state, we learn and collaborate best (positivepsychology.com, practicalengineering.management).

• Sympathetic (Fight/Flight). When we sense danger, adrenaline surges and we mobilise for action. Breathing becomes rapid, posture tense, and thinking zooms in on the threat. This is useful for immediate threats but not for creative teamwork or learning (positivepsychology.com, practicalengineering.management).

• Dorsal Vagal (Freeze/Shutdown). If a threat feels overwhelming or inescapable, the ANS can over-correct by shutting down. We might feel numb, fatigued, or disconnected. This freeze response conserves energy but also blocks engagement and problem-solving (positivepsychology.com, positivepsychology.com).

Leaders and coaches can learn to spot these cues in themselves and others (see table below). When people are calm and ventral-vagal, their eyes and face are relaxed, voice is warm, and posture is open. When fight/flight kicks in, voices become sharp, hands clench, and people may speak faster or interrupt. In shutdown, people may become quiet, slump, or withdraw. Noticing these signals is the first step: it allows a coach to “meet the nervous system where it is.”

Deep, slow breathing is one of the quickest ways to help move the body back toward the safe state. In fact, research shows that deep, slow breaths stimulate the vagus nerve, reduce anxiety, and boost the calming parasympathetic system (positivepsychology.com). In coaching, inviting a client to take a few mindful breaths — or even breathing together with them — can literally shift physiology toward safety. For example, a leader who is tense before a presentation might pause with the coach and synchronize a few slow breaths, quickly feeling more grounded.

Creating safety is not solely an individual task. We co-regulate: safety “transmits bi-directionally” in relationships (practicalengineering.management). When a leader or coach stays calm and present, it sends a signal to others that “we’re okay.” As one guide notes, building a “neuroception of safety is critical for your team’s engagement and performance” (practicalengineering.management). In practice, that means leaders should attend to not just what they communicate but how: with a gentle tone, empathy, and consistency. Over time, these cues encourage everyone’s nervous systems to relax and engage. As one author puts it, “ongoing relationships based on mutual regulation, trust, and exchange characterise the safest (and most effective) teams” (practicalengineering.management). In short: you are your team’s biggest source of safety or threat (practicalengineering.management).

The Power of Stories and Meaning

Just as our nervous system responds to physical cues, our mind responds to the stories we tell ourselves about work. Narrative approaches remind us that the way we frame events deeply shapes our stress and motivation. For instance, a manager might think “I’ll never catch up with this workload,” which feels like a trap closing in. By contrast, reframing it as “This is a big challenge, but I have strengths and support” opens space for problem-solving.

Coaching tools from narrative practice include:

• Externalising Problems. Instead of saying “I am anxious,” one might say “The anxiety is visiting me.” This simple shift separates the person from the problem. Externalising lets clients see “their issues separately from their identities,” which facilitates constructive changepositivepsychology.com. For example, calling burnout “the Overwhelm” can make it easier to tackle: the client can ask, “What does Overwhelm want from me?” and “How have I handled similar visits before?”

• Questioning Limiting Beliefs. We all carry assumptions (“script”) that fuel stress: e.g. “I must always perform perfectly,” or “If I slow down, I’ll fail.” Coaches can help clients gently examine these: Where did this belief come from? Is it always true? Such questioning can loosen rigid, fearful expectations, moving one toward curiosity.

• Re-authoring the Story. This means helping clients identify exceptions and strengths that contradict the “problem story.” A leader convinced “I’m doomed to repeat past mistakes” might be guided to recall moments of success or learning. Together, coach and client weave a new narrative (“I’ve navigated challenges before and can do it again”). Imagining and verbalizing a hopeful story can itself calm the nervous system and boost confidencepositivepsychology.com.

These narrative tools help create psychological safety. When a client feels free to speak about fears without blame, their nervous system often relaxes naturally. In a calm conversation, simply sharing emotions and having them received with empathy can co-regulate both peoplepositivepsychology.com. One coaching ritual: start sessions with each person sharing a time they felt truly supported at work. Hearing those positive “safety stories” primes everyone’s sense of belonging.

Practical Coaching Exercises

Below are examples of exercises coaches and HR professionals can use to foster safety and resilience:

• Grounding & Breathing (Co-Regulation). Begin sessions with a brief “grounding pause.” Invite the client to notice their breath and perhaps breathe along with you for 30 seconds. Encourage them to soften tense muscles (e.g. roll shoulders) as they exhale. This calms the nervous system (slowing the heart, reducing adrenaline) and clears the mind for the conversation ahead. Even a 4–5 breath cycle of deep belly breathing can make a differencepositivepsychology.com.

• Pause-Button. Work with the client to create a simple on-the-spot ritual when stress spikes. For instance, agreeing on a “code word” (like “pause”) they can say to themselves or a coworker to indicate they need a brief break. They then take 3 slow breaths and perhaps stretch their hands on their lap before resuming. This creates micro-moments of regulation in high-stress situations.

• Mindful Check-ins. Encourage regular team check-ins that focus not just on tasks but on how everyone is feeling. For example, start a meeting with a quick round where each person describes their current “mental weather.” A facilitator can model calm, non-judgmental listening. This signals that emotions are noticed and safe to express.

• Values and Purpose Reflection. Burnout often erodes a sense of meaning. Helping clients reconnect with why they do their work can anchor them. A coach might ask the client to recall a time when their work felt most meaningful, or to write a letter about their core purpose. Focusing on purpose and core values can serve as an internal “safe harbour” amid stress.

• Externalising Journaling. As a take-home exercise, clients can write about their stress as if it were a character or story. For example, describing a “Stress Dragon” that has been visiting them. This distancing makes the challenge less personal and can illuminate paths for taming it.

• Gratitude Sharing. Invite clients (alone or in teams) to share appreciations at the end of a session. For example, each person names something a colleague did recently that they’re grateful for. This shifts focus to positive connections and quietly reinforces safety and trust.

By routinely using these tools, coaches help clients build habits of regulation and positive reframing. Over time, clients start to notice: “When I feel tension, I know I can pause, breathe, and remind myself of my progress.”

Case Examples: Co-Regulation in Action

To illustrate these principles, consider these brief coaching vignettes (adapted for workplace settings):

• Burnout Coaching – Calming a Stressed Leader (Mark). Mark is a senior manager who feels “frozen” before big presentations. In a leadership coaching session, the coach notices Mark’s rapid breathing and hunched posture as he recounts a recent setback. The coach gently says, “Let’s pause and take a breath together.” They inhale and exhale slowly together for a minute. The coach maintains a soft, encouraging expression. As Mark’s body relaxes, he feels safe enough to open up: “I’m worried I’ll disappoint everyone.” The coach listens silently, then says, “It sounds like Performance Pressure is visiting us. How long has this pressure been a guest?” By naming it, Mark laughs quietly and gains some distance. Together, they list times Mark handled pressure well, reinforcing his strengths. By the end, Mark reports feeling “much more settled”. This calm start and narrative shift set the tone: Mark’s nervous system co-regulated through breathing and supportive dialogue, enabling genuine problem-solving (rather than shutdown) (positivepsychology.com).

• Team Conflict – Defusing Tension (Alex and Jordan). Two colleagues, Alex and Jordan, have been arguing about project roles. In a facilitated coaching session, the coach introduces a simple exercise: each takes a turn speaking about a recent frustration while the other practices reflective listening with one hand on their heart. Over several rounds, Alex notices that as Jordan listens calmly (nodding and mirroring), his own anger softens. Jordan, in turn, feels Alex’s gentle tone allow him to express concerns he had bottled up. They agree on a “timeout word” – when one says “pause”, the other stops, places a hand on their lap, and breathes three times before resuming. This small protocol helps them self-regulate in the moment. Finally, they co-create a name for their recurring clash – calling it “the Miscommunication Goblin.” Framing it this way helps them unite against the problem (“How can we chase this goblin away?”) instead of blaming each other. By session’s end, both report feeling more united and understood. Their bodies and minds literally shifted from oppositional to cooperative: a clear sign of successful co-regulation (practicalengineering.management).

These examples show that when coaches intentionally attune to the body (through breathing, posture, tone) and to the story (using externalising language and reframing), safety emerges naturally. Clients often feel it – they might say “I feel safe here” or visibly relax. When interventions instead ignore the body (e.g. launching straight into logic or pressure without a pause), anxiety or shutdown often increases and blocks progress. The mantra holds: “Regulate first, then relate.”

Moving Forward with Safety and Resilience

For HR leaders, coaches, and executives, the lesson is clear: cultivating safety must come before expecting innovation or performance. In practice this means:

• Model Calm Regulation. Pay attention to your own state. Use a steady tone, slow breathing, and patient pace, especially when tensions rise. Remember that your nervous system cues (body language, voice) are constantly “heard” by those around you (practicalengineering.management).

• Listen Deeply and Empathise. Show clients and team members they are seen and heard without judgment. Even simple acts like maintaining gentle eye contact or mirroring someone’s posture communicate safety. Empathy in language – e.g. “I hear how hard this is” – reassures the nervous system.

• Use Narrative Tools. Help people tell different stories about their challenges. Encourage externalising (“the problem” vs “you are the problem” (positivepsychology.com)) and highlight successes. Focus on strengths and values to rewrite threatening scripts into hopeful ones (positivepsychology.com).

• Create Supportive Structures. Build routines that reinforce safety (regular check-ins, shared ground rules, acknowledgement of work-life balance). Clarify expectations and roles (clarity is a major safety cue (practicalengineering.management)). Celebrate small wins and collaborative efforts to strengthen trust.

• Reconnect to Purpose. When burnout strikes, remind individuals of their deeper motivations. A sense of meaning can buffer stress. Frame setbacks as learning steps on a larger journey toward their goals.

By consistently applying these steps, leaders and coaches help their teams move from “threat” to “safety” zones of the nervous system. This doesn’t just reduce stress – it unleashes creativity and engagement. Under the surface calm, people will bring more energy and imagination to their work. As one thought leader advises, “If you want to improve the world, start by making people feel safer.” (S. Porges) (practicalengineering.management).

In summary, psychological and physiological safety is the bedrock of resilience and innovation. It’s not optional or “soft” — it’s science. Leaders who help their teams regulate first create the conditions for trust, learning, and true renewal. When safety reigns, burnout recedes and people’s imaginations open to new possibilities.

Key Takeaways for Coaches and Leaders:

• Prioritise calming the nervous system (“Regulate first, then relate”).

• Use supportive cues (tone, posture, presence) to co-regulate.

• Help clients name and externalise stressors.

• Guide story-reframing toward hope and competence (positivepsychology.com).

• Foster meaning and belonging through values and connection.

These practices create a grounded, purpose-driven culture where resilience thrives and burnout is countered by a renewed sense of safety and possibility (frontiersin.org, practicalengineering.management).

Sources: Established research on the Polyvagal theory (Porges) and co-regulation informed this guide (practicalengineering.management, positivepsychology.com). Narrative coaching methods (externalising, re-authoring) come from proven therapy techniques (positivepsychology.com, positivepsychology.com). The links between safety, resilience, and reduced burnout are supported by workplace studies (frontiersin.org, frontiersin.org). These sources and more underlie the practical recommendations above.